April 25, 2014

my philosophy

Lets Get Real, Real Fast

 You may already know this, but for those that do not, my
birthday is drawing near. This is not just any old birthday, it is a milestone,
I am not going to say which one, a milestone should suffice.  Lets just say that I am not where I
thought I would be relationally at this point in my life…rather than let utter panic, anxiety
and the feeling of expatriation set in, I have decided to take a “sabbatical”
from relationships all together. From May 15th 2014 through May 15th
2015,I, Chelsea Mitchell, will be whole heartedly, happily single. Which I
might add, that I have been and find myself most happy this way for as long as
I can remember.   I love,
love.  That is one reason why am a
wedding photographer.  And I love
the idea of being married. And I also feel like I understand marriage (pretty
well for a non married person…insert scoff and your heinous remarks here) and I
can say that my understanding of marriage has helped aid me in maintaining my
marital status “s” on my tax form. 
Forever is a long time, and it should not be taken lightly.
You may be asking yourself right now, why is she telling me
this…and why on earth did post this for all to see. And to those of you asking
those questions: 1) I am telling you because it is not going to be easy 2) I am
hoping to find some accountability by sharing.  Of all of the relationships I have had, I have just kind of
fallen into them.  We (me + the
boy) have either worked in close proximity to each other, shared common
interests, found each other attractive and some what out of convenience and
some what out of a “who knows, why not give it a shot” mentality, I have found
myself in situations where I end up hating myself and who I have become shortly
there after.
The single me is happy, strong, confident, independent,
adventurous…yet a home body, spontaneous…to a degree, and doesn’t care what
people think.  The “single me”
enjoys dressing up for the sake of dressing up and knows who she is. The “not
single me” develops insecurities, is reliant, gets date anxiety (guess how many
guys I have canceled on or tried to cancel our first date) It’s ridiculous
just how anxious I get…I get physically sick. I feel pressured to be and look a
certain way…whatever that is, say and do the right things…what ever those are, and
did I mention how insecure and dependent I get? I lose myself; my head and my
heart are not acting as a unit, although their proximity in the physical body
is not more than 12 inches apart, in the relationship world they are
thousands of miles and many oceans apart.
The next year is looking fairly blank, but I do know that I want to
“reclaim” and redefine me.  I
want to de-stress, dig deep, and draw closer to my Creator.  I want to spend the next year dressing
for myself, getting dolled up for myself, painting my nails for myself, shaving
my legs for myself, exercising for myself + my future self + my future kids, cooking
for myself + friends, eating healthy for myself + my future self + my future
kids, and creating an unshakable understanding of self worth.  I want to feel again.  I have tried to be open-minded almost
to a fault and in turn created a crutch to lean on—an open-minded environment
where I have numbed myself to the point of feeling nothing to be open/accepting
of most but not all things, places, peoples, and idea (insert noun here). Every
now and then I feel incredibly moved, deeply compelled or strongly convicted—I
want to be so enamored by my heart, my work, my life, and the people in it,
always…I want to feel again.
I also have been in the planning stages for a trip to India
that has been pushed back a time or two for various reasons, but I am making
that happen in this year as well …I know what your thinking, she has been
reading Eat. Pray. Love, hasn’t she (haven’t read it yet)… and to that I must say that these two were
completely separate, stand-alone ideas that now have crossed paths and together,
are shaping an epic year and personal journey.
Some friends have said that I am bating fate and they
suggest that I will meet someone a few months in, and to that I say, if he is
“the one” he will have no problem waiting a year to start his pursuit, because
forever is a long time. 
To all of my past, present, and future wedding clients, my
passion for capturing love is stronger than ever and you have inspired me in a
way that I only wish I can one day have what you have…that being said, please
stop trying to set me up with your friends and wedding guests, it is all in His time. 

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